I'm remembering.. I'm remembering so much..

I'm remembering the meaning of my dreams in my teenage years..

What have I done?
How large is this Karma?

What have I done to you three for you to inflict this much pain on me? What wrongdone did I do in my past lives?

I'm chanelling memories... ideas, visions. Strange ideas. Stuff I only fantazied about in my subconscious. Stuff I knew but not understood. Stuff I dared not question until now. The real important questions.

Where is he? The key. Why is he not here? He should be the ones teaching us. Where is he? I read the doorknob. I read the keyhole. Where's the key?

I met you three in my dreams only twice in my life. What was I doing? I was already accepted on the Night Road right when I had that dream. Why did I work so hard to be accepted? How could I ever not accept myself?

Of the many dreams I thought was important in my youth, I remember only this one. The one where I met you three. One awesome vision of a world. An iridiscent twilight sky, a planet-moon, and a church. A church that had absolutely no wrongness in it.

Are these memories really my own?

I'm chanelling another memory. another idea, another truth. Another Akasha. One who started this all. One who chanelled all the wrongness in this world.

...you were wrong.
I am not wavering. At all.
It is the world that may kill me.
Not myself.
My memories or my thoughts or my imaginations... my knowledge and my wisdom... my inner world can never kill me.

And I won't let the world kill me. I will destroy the world if it means my survival. Especially the survival of my Soul. The egg must be hatched.

Yes.
Yes you can use me.
You're the only soul in this world that I will ever allow in this world to use me. You're the only person that can make me grow. Please come in.

Those two are standing straight. I am crouching underneath them. Crouch with me here. So that I can slowly stand. You are the only person that can tell me I have wrongdone. You were so nice and smiling when you said that. You were so warm.

Don't leave me... hug me please...

Those two nearly killed me...