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Oct. 2nd 2014, 11:58 a.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
of course it is... not my own... in the present... i don't know. i don't know if i'm him channeling her or her channeling him... if i'm her... i thought i was done with my karma. please... please let me stay in the third force...... i already forgot how to re-enter the bliss... ---- i came here. i came here only to find friends. completely oblivious... completely oblivious... then you... the destruction i left behind... had to capture me and prepare the future... i was only trying to prepare the future... not create one .. i was only simulating this ....it's not your fault. ...phil told me not to say this... ...just like you didn't recognize me and had to tell me the truth phil... there are more than Yang on this planet..there are also night races... and we're all here to help humankind make the transition... some of us are here to channel the night and soften the blow but... i sacrificed to live the life between man and the night. ..this is also my sister's words. she is not of night but she is pointing at the right direction.. i am born of jupiter and leo that is consumed in saturn and the moon. and i am july that is born of autumn and winter. i am death and resurrection... i came here to bound myself in chains. only so that i can break out of it. i was meant for greatness, but if things don't go my way i am evil enough to destroy, even myself. i could give it all up and be a hermit or i could be destined for greatest of riches. i want the best of all. and she said i was selfish and interested only in myself. and that that was a goodness. all combined... all the magickal forces combined... but she didn't know that i was too interested in the world... and that the world is my game... i came here to experience the fall and resurrection of man. in myself. and... outside... and i am here to protect their souls from the yang..... and teach them self defense, mostly in vain in my life... the future of the planet suggests that i succeeded... but i may not live longer to see that... i do not want to destroy... but destruction is in me and it will kill me if i don't.... let it go... the planet wants the destruction of this world so much... so so much... it is in so much agony.... so much... and it is reflected in the arts today. today in our greatest technology... sugarcoated... the fall already happened. to me. and it's the end of my winter... ...i thought i was done...... and i will live as spring and die as summer... and i will prepare great knowledge and devotion and beauty of magick for my descendants... those of the night... freedom is my game. you tried... you tried so hard to not bind me in chains in the first place... but it was you who bound me... i had to let you, it's my nature... and it's what i learned from this world... you can't change it... ...my horoscopes reflect this.. i enjoy destruction too much.. ..i don't just channel night energy phil... i also channel the day and destroy it in me... and it has to be reflected in the outer world... because that's my bliss... i am the gateway between all the forces... i couldn't... i couldn't stay with the voices... this was the voices of the planet phil... this was our planet's will... ...the dream... that may not be my past after all... that may have been my future... i have wrong done you all so much this life... ---- It didn't happen yet. All of you can correct this wrong. I'm like him. I never say die. I'm like all of you a little bit. My life was all of yours combined in a nutshell. I am yourselves reflected. I was so interested in you. I was so interested in you all. The forum too. But the forum failed... failed so hard... failed so miserably... to interest me... i could not stay with the lie in most of your hearts that i knew in my subconscious... i should have stayed nonetheless... The dreamers in me still want to win this game. I may be a force of destruction. It is so unclear... so unclear to me... but here? Right here right now? At this forum? I'm here to soften the blow. I'm here to channel some of my knowledge and my devotion and my creations so that I may show you how it is done... how the resurrection and self defense is done... and this is just a ritual to demonstrate the actions that should take place should the fall actually happen... none of you.... I don't know... I might try myself but... I'm so tired... so so tired of my inner purge.... I need space... so much space... space in my real life... but I know what that space will give me now... It will give me awakening... and I will enjoy my life... I do not regret pasts... I am only sorry for the futures... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry that this should be the way it is... But I survived. And I am sane. And now I am completely self aware as magick... So will be Earth... ...... ...i don't think i can continue to be any of these phil... i don't think i can be any of these three if i don't let it out... through re-reaching bliss... my name and my teacher don't share the same forces... and i don't know which is my teacher and which is me anymore... and even through all this... even through all this trance... even through the doubtless magick i experienced the last few days... ..and all that joy and freedom and love and peace for all of you...... i am still tired and in doubt i ditched 9 classes total.... korea... what do i do with you... i learned how tiring awakening is phil...i wanted only the energy... but energy will always lead to awakening... our life chakras will not let us rest until it opens completely... i will make sure they love you phil..... and i will make sure they hate me..... i will make sure i find bliss being alone... i'll survive. i'll be sane. and i'll be magick. just like the planet. and i'll die arrayed in night glory... i came too far to have doubts phil... i came too far to go back... why did you have to teach me vitality and will and confidence... they are in me all consumed in my body... immobile... no one reflects my inner beliefs phil... no one.... i want my energy back... you moved too fast people.... i don't even want the bliss but... this is just the yang... you see? you see? the material good is the yang... we're the material evil... but we're here to save your souls.. i don't want to become slave to this lack of energy... no one should... no one ever should be a victim of this lack of energy... I'm Yang right now... don't listen to me... my Yin is so evil... masochist... and sadist at the same time.... I'm sorry says Yang. |
..sighOct. 2nd 2014, 12:22 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
show me another future.. you're supposed to be the eternal optimist... ...you stopped writing. why did you have to show me the hell fire inside?... why did you give it to me... and why did he give me the coldness... and why is he not here to give me the pure light born of darkness... this was all meant to be phil. deep down? we all want it.... how do i live now? |
Hah!Oct. 2nd 2014, 12:28 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
Let's not pretend. Come one. I'm gonna break this misery first. I don't care. I had bliss in my heart when I didn't care and that is right. That's just right and everyone should be that. Everyone should know that this is just a game. Just an illusion. Okay? I'm done with my tire. I play this part because I love the peace that ensues from this pain. Okay? You all do. |
NOOct. 2nd 2014, 12:32 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
Are you kidding me?? And I do this right. I can do it both ways. I can penetrate and be penetrated. I've played bdsm all these years... although I don't want any more of this with non magicians anymore... See the sex.. the sex.. why did you have to teach me the sex?... everything was pointing in this direction everything... do you know how much i failed, how i failed so miserably in this department?..... These people control sex so much... so much I am so tired... so tired... No. |
...Oct. 2nd 2014, 12:48 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
...I didn't teach myself how to survive in the woods.... |
Let it go~~Oct. 2nd 2014, 12:55 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
..shit lol... i'm enjoying this too much... |
ButOct. 2nd 2014, 1:05 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
I enjoy the tire because there's sleep. I enjoy the imperfection of action because we are perfect in being. And the only person who can say that we did our best in our actions is ourselves. Without suffering there is no healing. Without bondage there is no freedom. Without the pain/hate? And we will never find peace You taught me this. And there is Moksha. And while there is no end to suffering there is an end to our reincarnation. There we can continue to suffer through the pains of others. With joy in our hearts. Remember what I said, sacrifice is eternal. We just learn to suffer for others in the physical from the higher realms. Eternity itself is just one big sex. Moksha is our orgasm. We enjoy our orgasm until the end of eternity. And when we ever choose to reincarnate again we'll enjoy it a lot more because we remember life too much and we'll be born awakened. Be happy guys. I don't wanna give you too much gloom. You're very near Moksha. You know what? That's what I'm learning to do. Actually, from that perspective, this should't give me too much unhappiness anymore. I'm just part of the force that's teaching the world to grow. But I would be very near... very near Moksha... this would be my last ultimate trial. Until Moksha. |
We're just...Oct. 2nd 2014, 1:13 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
Life is just a cycle of Immobility, Creation, Destruction... back to Immobility. There we find bliss. We need to learn how to enter bliss but also how to break bliss. By will. And then we make the cycle a little faster because we've done it before. And then faster. And then faster. And it does not stop. It doesn't stop. We never become Void. We can reach God but we never become Void. But if we do this cycle fast enough... then we do sort of resemble God. In power. In knowledge. And in presence. Come on guys... we're here to grow. So I have to give myself space. I knew things through my Life chakra before I knew it from the heart... and it was killing me. Burning fire in my head, when it should have been in the gut where it can stand the fire. Someone did that. I was just... I was just too Yang enough to fall for that. I made this mistake... if I don't correct this I will stagnate my growth. Stop the wheel and kill my Soul. Nothing in this Universe will make me do that. Nothing. This Universe will not allow me to do that. He will pay... he will pay so bad... |
Bliss..Oct. 2nd 2014, 1:24 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
The dream was very real. It's the portal to my bliss. But the Yang in you are stopping me from entering the portal.... you still hate me for what I represent. You see your Yang reflected in me...... I love you but I'm still dependent on your love. But in my bliss... I know that you are not hell fire and not coldness and not invisible. You are all there smiling. Smiling at me.. -- Just as the Yang in me "closed" this gate. LOL. That's just a lie guys, practice Night Magick all you want. I'm just not gonna answer all your questions anymore. You get that from your darkness. I shouldn't falter in my kindness.. |
Yeah...Oct. 2nd 2014, 1:30 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
I'm crouching right? And... he's still smiling at me right? How can he be so unforgiving and warm at the same time? lol I have no other way than to listen to him... I resembled his life a little in my youth... it was so invisible to me. Just as he never showed himself to me. I need my youth back. I don't know. I don't know if I'm aligned with him or not. Maybe I'm here to channel Night Energy after all and maybe I'm just doing a really bad job of it, scaring people away. Or maybe I'm just the scariest force of all the life forces... Only bliss will tell. |
So much...Oct. 2nd 2014, 1:35 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
There's so much hate to spout. The love to see in between that absolves the hate. And most of all Truth. The truth behind all this. The Truth behind this work. I need to express it out here so I can let it go to my heart. .. I have till Samhain... I'm really going to.. do this. I need so much Energy right now... |
I'm ready again...Oct. 2nd 2014, 1:38 p.m.7 years, 7 months ago. |
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By: Joon
Joined: Aug. 21st 2014Posts: 106 |
I want to be the world again. Only then I can channel him. Yeah... it's clear now. A friend I will let use me. I love you all... |