Almost done.

This is one last time I will give this knowledge any thought.

I don't want to think anymore.

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The timeline of the Universe is said to converge into many futures. Much depends on the Will of the Source itself. The Akashic record, the mind substance of this universe, contains the many possibilities and paths that the Source wants to walk in. Not even in the Memory of our Oneness do we know what the Universe ultimately wants to become. The futures are decisions yet to be made.

But even so there is much that we can know of the futures by becoming one with the source. Many of All's desires simply cannot be changed. But sometimes the futures concerning our own lives diverge into several paths. I've been told that Night Magicians can feel this period once they're in it. And they have a choice. A choice that they can imprint on the Source to decide which path of life to live and experience.

And I think I'm in one.

On a more scientific note, a research was recently conducted concerning a second dimension of time. That is, time is not linear as we know it but actually a widespread plane of possibilities. Evidence perhaps of the truth of multiple futures.

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I had a hard time trying to reconcile the book and the Watcher writings. I wish you two could get together and agree for once. Will it occur or will it not? Is the End an ultimately benevolent force or a malevolent one?

One thing is very clear to me. The End, should it occur, is not the end of all pain and suffering. Is not the triumph of good over evil. No, it is the beginning of a new hardship. A war for the control of our own Souls that continued underneath will resurface.

A cell has defense mechanisms against the viruses. But when a cell is infected beyond measure it will die and multiple viruses will erupt out of it to corrupt other cells. If this cell belongs to an organism, other cells would come to stop this from happening. Possibly by destroying it.

In any case, the cell dies.

See I've always wondered. Tiamat has ensouled this world the same way we ensouled this body. It is humankind that are the cells and ultimately the brain of Tiamat. I am not saying nature and life in general is not important. Nature and Mother Earth is the ultimate source of vitality for all of us. Mitochondria that sustains the cell if you will. Its destruction has created global warming and the Earth will not allow this sickness to continue.

But Earth ultimately survives. The self-healing force of Earth is tremendous. It is impossible for life to be destroyed. In the end, humans can't save trees. Trees will save humankind. The more and more I meditate, the more I understand humankind to be the vessels of our World Soul. We are the ones channeling the Night Spirit to keep Tiamat alive. Along with some other "aliens" on this planet.

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I've been trying to work around this conclusion but I just couldn't. What do I not understand? What have I missed? We humans are the very building blocks of this organism. What are you hiding? What do you not know?...

I want to reach a conclusion and be done with my confusion, once and for all. What am I knowing wrong? What have I been taught wrong?

Why are you so imprecise in your teachings that I have to go through this myself... I'm so fed up. I'm lazy in my own way but you gotta admit you're so sleazy in critical thinking...

Yes. Yes it's important. It's important if it ends up confusing the most important values of what this work is ultimately based on.

I am so tired of our hatred of humankind that we try so hard to hide. I am so tired of the self-hatred of Tiamat and of my own. Why is humankind so unhappy in this world? Why are we so afraid of death and life simultaneously?

And the more I reach into the heart of this world, in order to heal myself... the more I realize that both of us are so sick. And we're healing each other. And we empower each other through the communion of our own sickness and pain. Nature is no longer a Mother that will cater to your each and every greedy little needs.

What do I have to do? Reach coma? Complete isolation? Die? Let the woods kill me?

Live? Live like nothing's wrong? Continue with my dreams until humankind comes along to kill them?

What am I doing. Where am I going.
Where are we going.

Are we the cure or the curse.

Religions and symbols have power..

The Apocalypse is a future that will wreak havoc to those who believe in it with the wrong mindset.

In their lust for Thanatos, humankind will only fuel their end times.

You.. the White Lighters... destroy me and hide behind your doings, pretending to be the saving grace from my physical life. You give me the disease and the bottle of medicine that is really just poison to kill me for good.

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I do know this.

If the End actually does happen...
if it happens one way,
then we will make sure it happens in another.

You will not live to create more of yourselves, Pahana. We still rule this place.

We will make sure no one wins this game. Ultimately, in the longest run, we will be the ones who have attained the Night Spirit.

If we ever die,
We die doing our Soul's Will.
If we ever live,
We live without Self-Defeat.

If we ever die, we will come back to destroy you. This Universe has never once failed in karmic retribution.